Basketball Party Invitations
Is it bad etiquette to ask guests at a child’s b-day party to pay?
My oldest child is in 3rd grade, and he has a birthday coming up in the next two weeks. He desperately wants to have his birthday at the local community center, where the kids can climb the rockwall, play basketball, & go swimming. His classroom has a policy of inviting the WHOLE class, or no one, so that kids don’t come to school talking about so & so’s party and leave ” little suzy-who-wasn’t-invited out.” There are 27 kids in his class, and there would also be roughly a dozen kids from our family & friends. I expect most of the boys & a few of the girls from class would show up, at a cost of $14 per kid. We’re talking about a $250 party if approximately 20 kids show up without even buying food & presents yet!! So….I was thinking about asking the families to pay $7 per kid, and I would also put something on the invitations to the effect of “Your presence, not your presents, is requested for Ethan’s 9th birthday.” Would it be tacky of me to make that request, or is it fair?
The bottom line is that you cannot afford this party so don’t even go there. What when your other children want similar events for their birthdays? It doesn’t stop, does it? Asking people to pay is not acceptable. Regarding this birthday, it takes courage to call a halt to whole-class affairs. I don’t believe all children are friends. YOU would not expect to ask ALL your colleagues to YOUR party, would you? Why should children be forced to do so? Some mums may whisper behind your back but I believe others will be mightily relieved. Your son may receive some hostility at school that may be difficult for him to handle but children are not stupid; if you are able to explain to him it should help him to cope.
I love your line ‘Your presence is required…’ You could use that and try to turn the event into a fundraiser (if you feel you have to invite everyone). Your options would seem to be either a birthday tea at home or a picnic somewhere. Your invitation might read ‘Your presence is required but no presents please as we are supporting …..(maybe the school charity). There will be a box to receive anonymous monetary gifts that would have been spent on presents.’ When you get the receipt from the charity, this could be published in the school newsletter with a ‘thank you’ and as proof as to where the collection went. Your son may even rise up in status for his kindness.
After his birthday, let him choose a couple of real friends to take to this adventure centre. You could also organise a whole class event at some time in the future where people pay to join in as in any outing. In fact parents may possibly think you are rather a super-mum for doing this.
Two decades ago I refused to hand out party bags, which suddenly became popular in England. I have three children one of whom is disabled, work and found the gifts often discarded. What a waste of time and effort. I gave instead a bar of quality chocolate. Some children screamed at me but I doubt if any of them are receiving counselling because of it! Good luck. Be strong.
Cal Basketball: Women’s NCAA Selection Show Party
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